A good article!
I just found and read a good article from Focus on The Family website. As a parent of tween age daughter this article help me a lot to understand them more :)
Managing Tween Anger
Help your tween grow into a thoughtful, discriminating adult who rules his own emotions.
When I was a teacher I could never understand what happened to the 2nd graders during summer vacation. When I walked out the school doors in May and returned three months later, they were noticeably more grounded and grown up. It was part of a dramatic shift from being a child to preparing to be an adolescent.
The word "adolescent" might scare you because you're anything but ready for your third grader to grow up. However, because your eight-year-old is more emotionally aware and and intellectually advanced, you can help him understand more about himself — including how he handles his anger. In fact, these anger strategies apply to kids in the Tween years between the ages of 8 to 12.
When your child is angry, let him exercise more authority
My mother always says that sometimes you have to pick your battles and some aren't worth fighting. This couldn't be more true as your child progresses from being a child to an adolescent.
As your child grows intellectually and emotionally between the ages of eight and twelve, you will naturally want to grant him more responsibility so that he can grow into a responsible adult. This means that when he gets mad or rants and raves because he wants to buy a cheap toy with his hard-earned lawn mowing money, and you know it's a bad idea, you can give up your ground and let the consequences of his choice speak for themselves. This way, you can spare yourself a battle and he can grow into a calm, thoughtful and discriminating adult who doesn't allow his emotions to rule him.
Dr. Kevin Leman calls this "reality discipline" because reality serves up the discipline, not you. For some kids, especially those who are strong-willed and often demand that they get their way, it's a great way to go. Of course, you can't say yes to everything, but you can make it a practice not to say no just for the sake of saying it — and you can try to say yes often.
Don't only speak to your child about his anger when he's angry
With life pressures, it can be difficult to squeeze in teachable moments with your child. However, it's imperative that if you want your child to learn how to handle his anger in a constructive way, you'll need to speak with him when he's not angry.
Think back to the last time when you were really angry. Could anyone reason with you? Did your breathing accelerate? Were you talking in circles? Did you forgot what the other person said (if you were locked in battle)? Obviously, it's tough to reason with someone who is out of control with anger. That's why you'll need to speak with your child to make a constructive plan to handle anger when he's not angry.
As a part of helping your child, let him know that since he's getting older, he can take more responsibility in helping himself, since you won't always be there for him. Express sympathy by letting him know that it's normal to get angry sometimes. But also tell him that how he reacts to his anger is his choice and how he chooses will either make him more miserable or help him.
During one of your non-anger teachable moments, you can use a technique I used as a teacher. It's important that you use this technique shortly after the event because he may not remember what happened later. Ask him how he felt (in his emotions and his body), what happened that made him angry, how he responded, what the outcome was and how he could respond next time. Over time, he may begin to see the connection between his actions and the result.
In the beginning, it's reasonable to assume that he may not see how he contributed to the argument or blow-up with his siblings. However, I've seen this technique work with kids over a period of time. It gives them the opportunity to reflect inwardly and process the situation without you telling him how he should act. In short, it helps him see that his response is his responsibility.
Help your child create his own discipline plan
Once your child begins to see that his anger can be a problem, and that it's making his life difficult, you can calmly consult with him about the consequences if he responds inappropriately. First, you'll need to determine what "inappropriate" means. By discussing with him, ask him if it involves hitting someone, calling them names or spitting. Let him decide. I've found that most kids are amazingly honest about what is right and wrong when they're not threatened.
After you have created a list of what is not an acceptable response to anger, you can create another list of what he will do when he acts inappropriately. For example, will he put himself in time-out? Spend the afternoon in his room? Or give a prized toy to a friend?
You can also offer healthy alternatives to express his anger, such as scream outside until he feels better, punch a soft toy in the privacy of his room, or draw a picture about his feelings when he's angry.
Once your plan is complete and you've both agreed, both of you can sign it and post it somewhere obvious for future reference. This way, he can't say he was never part of the decision-making process, and it puts him in charge of his response.
Above all, whenever your Tween is angry, remain calm. This will let him know that you are on his side and working with him to help him master anger.
Devotion for today Oct 14, 2010
Proverbs 31:10-20 (NIV)
10 A wife of noble character who can find?
She is worth far more than rubies.
11 Her husband has full confidence in her
and lacks nothing of value.
12 She brings him good, not harm,
all the days of her life.
13 She selects wool and flax
and works with eager hands.
14 She is like the merchant ships,
bringing her food from afar.
15 She gets up while it is still dark;
she provides food for her family
and portions for her servant girls.
16 She considers a field and buys it;
out of her earnings she plants a vineyard.
17 She sets about her work vigorously;
her arms are strong for her tasks.
18 She sees that her trading is profitable,
and her lamp does not go out at night.
19 In her hand she holds the distaff
and grasps the spindle with her fingers.
20 She opens her arms to the poor
and extends her hands to the needy.
A Helping Hand
In the 1930s, jockey Johnny Longden was rammed in mid-race. While thundering steeds came up from behind, Johnny was thrown sideways off his horse. Seeing his predicament, another jockey reached out and attempted to push Longden back up on his mount. Unfortunately, he pushed too hard and Longden flew over the horse onto the other side. Still another jockey nearby grabbed him and was able to help him safely back on his horse. Amazingly, Johnny Longden won the race! A newspaper dubbed it “the ultimate impossibility.” Helping hands had not only saved him from severe injury and possible death, but allowed him to win the race.
As believers, we are to offer a helping hand to others as well. In Proverbs 31, we read of the virtuous woman who “extends her hand to the poor, yes, she reaches out her hands to the needy” (v.20). For centuries, the compassion of this woman of faith has been an inspiration to both men and women. She helps to remind us that extending ourselves to others is a biblical virtue to be exhibited by all believers.
There are many who are struggling or have fallen on hard times and need our assistance.
Who in your life needs a helping hand?
Your faith in God is proven when
You serve as one who cares;
Faith finds a way to love and help—
Puts action to your prayers. —Hess
God often sends His help by way of human hands.
The Devotion from Yesterday, Oct 7 2010
Read:
Deuteronomy 31:1-8Hold My Hand
The waves of Lake Michigan were high and splashing onto the pier one day as I followed a young family out to a lighthouse. I overheard the young girl say to her father: “Daddy, please walk alongside me and hold my hand at this scary part.”
Sometimes life can be scary for us too: Loss of loved ones. Financial woes. Health problems. As we carry these heavy burdens and cares, we long for a strong hand to hold ours to keep us steady and secure.
When Joshua took over the leadership of Israel, Moses reminded him of God’s help in tough times. In the difficult days to come, Joshua would need to remember to trust God and His promises. Moses said, “The Lord, He is the One who goes before you. He will be with you, He will not leave you nor forsake you; do not fear nor be dismayed” (Deut. 31:8).
Isaiah 41:13 encourages us with these words from God: “I, the Lord your God, will hold your right hand, saying to you, ‘Fear not, I will help you.’ ” When life gets scary, God is with us, we can hold His strong hand.
This song by Lowell Alexander reminds us of God’s presence: “You will face mountains so steep, deserts so long, and valleys so deep. Sometimes the journey’s gentle, sometimes the cold winds blow. But I want you to remember, I want you to know you will never walk alone. . . . Jesus will be right beside you all the way.” He’ll walk alongside us and hold our hand at the “scary” parts.
Fears flee in the light of God’s presence.
The devotion for today, Oct 8 2010
Read:
John 14:1-6Imagine
Our church’s young people did what they could to “construct heaven.” It was time for the spring banquet, and the creative teens used lights, Styrofoam, and other materials to turn the auditorium into their best idea of heaven.
The theme of the banquet was “I Can Only Imagine,” from the song by MercyMe. Our daughter Melissa helped transform the church. When I visited to see how the kids were doing, she was in the rafters hanging stars. The night of the banquet, my wife and I were able to hear one of Melissa’s friends sing the theme song as we all thought about this faraway place called heaven.
Of course, we never could have imagined that Melissa would be entering the real heaven just 6 weeks later. The imaginary would become reality.
Jesus told us about heaven as a way of untroubled our hearts. He said, “Let not your heart be troubled; . . . in My Father’s house are many mansions . . . . I go to prepare a place for you” (John 14:1-2).
Heaven is a prepared place for prepared hearts—a place of unimaginable beauty, splendor, and majesty. It’s where God is caring for our believing loved ones, and someday for us. Imagine heaven, and rejoice!
The Lord has promised to prepare
A place in heaven above—
A home where we will always be
With Him and those we love. —Sper
Jesus is preparing a place for us and preparing us for that place.
